Principle 7: Don’t Run Away From Conflict.

UNCOMMON WISDOM

Haughtiness goes before destruction; humility precedes honor. Spouting off before listening to the facts is both shameful and foolish. The human spirit can endure a sick body, but who can bear a crushed spirit? Intelligent people are always ready to learn. Their ears are open for knowledge.

—Proverbs 18:12-15

UNCOMMON PRACTICE

Take a few moments to select one of this week’s practices to explore further. The related Adventure Application appears just below each practice. If you’d prefer to come up with a different way of living out that practice this week, feel free to discuss what that might look like.

Resolve conflict by trying to understand each other and talking about the best way forward.

Beginning this week, practice exploring each other’s viewpoint in any situation. Rather than digging in your heels, try putting yourself in your partner’s shoes.

Defuse tension during a minor disagreement by apologizing for your part.

Why don’t you take a stab this week at being the one who makes peace reign in your home? When a disagreement or misunderstanding arises that leads you to act or speak too hastily, say “I’m sorry” as sincerely as possible. That’s it. See what happens.

Maintain a positive attitude, even in tough times, by building friendships and finding activities you enjoy.

This week, try to see everything with a can-do attitude. Agree that you’ll commit yourselves to expect a positive outcome to life, even if your circumstances don’t look positive right now. Then, several days from now, sit down again to talk about how that perspective affected your overall outlook.

Don’t fear conflict; use it as a tool to understand each other better.

What’s an area in which you’ve recently had conflict? If you have been afraid to reenage about any area in which you disagree, set aside enough time to allow each of you to express your heart on the matter. If you have trouble really listening to your spouse, keep a notepad nearby to make notes while listening. That way you will remember a point you want to come back to without interrupting your partner while he or she is speaking.

Don’t try resolving major disagreements when you’re tired.

Take a few minutes to discuss some times when it might not be best to try resolving a disagreement—whether late at night or in the car, or just after either one of you gets home from work. Be sure to discuss the opposite too—when might be the best times to engage about areas of conflict?

Allow each other to grieve differently, but be open to your spouse’s need to talk.

Consider the quote from C. S. Lewis on ^a. How does it speak to you when it comes to the pain of dealing with your own grief or of reaching out to a friend, coworker, or acquaintance who has experienced a great loss?

UNCOMMON PRAYER

Take a few minutes to discuss any praises and needs you’d like to bring to God as a couple. Then, in addition to praying about those things together, use one or more of the following prayer prompts to seek God’s help in resolving conflict constructively.

Praise God for going to such great lengths to restore your relationship with Him through the death and resurrection of His Son.

Admit your need for God’s help and wisdom so that you can work through any present areas of disagreement or conflict between the two of you.

Ask the Holy Spirit to enable you to become a better listener so that you are better tuned in to His promptings, as well as to what your spouse’s words and body language really mean.

Invite the Lord to shower you or other loved ones with His comfort following recent losses.