In The Spotlight

CORE PRACTICE #96: Share the spotlight with your spouse whenever you receive credit or recognition.

Let someone else praise you, not your own mouth— a stranger, not your own lips.

—Proverbs 27:2

TONY

I’ve enjoyed positions that at times have caused people to single me out for attention. Sometimes Lauren spotted the potential traps more quickly than I did. People she didn’t know would come speak to her at church, eventually getting around to asking, “So what’s new with the Colts?” She’d usually just shrug.

We both got used to people expressing so much interest in my position that if I wasn’t careful, I’d start feeling “special.” In essence, we have to walk a fine line. God did create us all to be unique—that is reinforced in Scripture. But He didn’t make any of us more special. If we ever begin feeling that we are, that’s a bad path to start down. It’s really dangerous when it involves a marriage.

I look at this principle more broadly, too. Sometimes the best thing we can do when opportunities come our way is to share the experiences. So many times the Lord has opened doors that I could have walked through alone, I suppose, but I enjoy them more when I walk through them with Lauren.

When I became the head coach of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, I was suddenly in demand to serve on committees and boards and to speak on behalf of the team around town. I enjoyed representing the team in this way, but I knew how important it was for Lauren to be involved also.

At first, she wasn’t sure I was doing her any favors, especially when it came to public speaking! As Lauren has mentioned, she preferred working behind the scenes and led the way in community service. But over time, she got more comfortable with public speaking and did more of it. And that was important because I always wanted people to see what a big part she played in the success of our team, especially off the field.

The most visible time we were able to share the spotlight came immediately after the Colts won the Super Bowl in February 2007. Lauren sat through the pouring rain in the stands, watching us come back from a rough start (and a questionable coaching decision by me) to win the game. The week before, she and I had discussed what I would say in a post-game interview, and before I knew it, Jim Irsay, the team’s owner, had escorted her to the field and she was on the podium next to me.

Sure enough, I was asked—with her standing beside me—about how it felt to be the first African American coach to lead a team to a Super Bowl victory. I said that while I was honored to have that distinction, I was especially proud that we’d done it the Lord’s way, by embracing family and the values that last and are truly meaningful.

Lauren was with me, sharing the moment. It was perfect.

To me, sharing the spotlight is a mind-set. The opportunities and achievements aren’t all about me; they’re about us. If I’m looking for ways to recognize the importance of the two of us operating as a unit, I have to look for ways to include Lauren in any “spotlight” that might come along.

Adventure Application: What upcoming opportunity might you share with your spouse? Something that would be more effective—maybe double the impact or fun—if you were both involved?