His And Hers

CORE PRACTICE #95: Focus on both partners’ passions.

Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other. —Romans 12:4-5

Lauren

When we met, Tony was immersed in sports. I wasn’t nearly as passionate about them, but I decided to buy in and go along with that lifestyle because it meant I could spend more time with Tony.

In the same way, Tony has always tried to connect with me and my interests. Tony loves children but probably not in the same way that I love children. But he stays open and sensitive to that passion of mine.

All of us have been given passions by the Lord, those things that excite us, that get us out of bed, that energize us after a long day of fielding phone calls, working through a desk covered in paperwork, or shuttling children all over town.

But just because the “dating” phase has ended and the marriage has begun, it is no less important to continue exploring each other’s interests and passions. In fact, it’s probably more important to continue to look for those after the marriage. Too many couples end up buying that second television and escaping to different rooms after dinner, spending the evening in the solitude of their own interests.

It’s easy to pursue our own passions, but one of the keys to keeping a relationship healthy is to stay focused on the passions of the other person. She might like action movies while you prefer romantic comedies. He might like eating out after church on Sundays, while she might look forward to spending the afternoon eating at home. Or one of you might prefer hiking or exploring nearby parks, while the other is, as Nathan Whitaker calls himself, an avid indoorsman.

We’ve seen some couples model how to accommodate each other’s passions. One couple we know compromised by traveling to the home games of the husband’s college alma mater in the fall and then taking regular weekend visits to the beach—her interest—every spring and summer. Rather than being resentful when traveling to the other’s preferred destination, each has embraced his or her interests.

We know of another couple who moved to the Spanish coast because the wife said she wanted to experience raising their children for a year in another culture. Since his wife had followed him around during the twenty years he’d spent in corporate America, her husband agreed. They sold their Tampa home and headed overseas. After nine months, even she had experienced enough, and they raced back to the United States and have settled in Austin, Texas.

The important thing is to remain open, listen to each other, and maybe every now and then watch an action movie, whether you want to . . . or not.

Adventure Application: What are some ways, big and small, that you can help your spouse explore a passion?