In Focus

CORE PRACTICE #59: Build an uncommon marriage by staying focused on each other and allowing God to lead you.

Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing.

—Psalm 143:10

TONY

Rick Warren started his book The Purpose Driven Life with this phrase: “It’s not about you.”

He’s absolutely right. Despite the fact that we often wake up with ourselves first and foremost on our minds—it’s not about us.

Instead, it’s all about God.

It’s all about what He is doing in our lives and the world. Because Lauren and I have been involved with the NFL, many people imagine that our lives are more glamorous or trouble free than theirs. Can I let you in on a secret? The sources of our stress may be different, but everyone struggles to balance their commitments at home and at work, and we all face challenges that can work against our marriage.

Incredibly, as David makes clear in today’s verses, we only need to ask the Lord, and He will teach us His will and lead us forward. The key, though, is to keep the focus off ourselves and on God. That’s why prayer is such an important part of my life. I need His help to turn the focus from me and my concerns to my heavenly Father and His ability to keep me on the right path.

For instance, I still struggle with the tension that comes from wanting to be home for my kids, but at the same time, needing to honor commitments that require me to be in another city. That’s why I’m constantly asking the Lord to direct me so that when we’re together, I’m doing what’s most important to Lauren and our kids. When I am home, I’ve learned I need to zero in and make sure I’m doing what matters most for them. It’s not necessarily what my kids want to do either. Sometimes it means quizzing them as they’re preparing for a test. Yet whatever we do together, I want to let them know they’re important. It’s really not about me.

That’s one reason Lauren and I wrote Uncommon Marriage, as well as this devotional. We want to show you that when you and your spouse keep Christ at the center of your marriage and remain committed to each other, you can make it through all the storms of life. In an uncommon marriage, you don’t focus on your own needs, but you seek to honor your partner’s needs as they follow God’s leading. That’s why understanding God’s will for your life may involve, at times, working harder to understand God’s will for your spouse’s life.

And ironically, I’ve discovered that I am most fulfilled and content when I remember it’s not about me and, instead, seek the good of my family members.

Adventure Application: As stress piles up, it can be more difficult to keep the focus off ourselves and our own problems. Take a few minutes to honestly consider where you are when it comes to turning your concerns over to God and leaning on your spouse for the support you need. Then bring any frustrations you feel to God in prayer.