Honoring Others With Your Words

CORE PRACTICE #71: Seek to honor your spouse and children by the way you speak about them to others.

Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.

—Proverbs 31:31

TONY

Earlier, I told you about the Colts’ incredible victory over the Bucs in October 2003. While that matchup had incredible personal meaning for me, the media also followed the pregame preparations closely, and a number of them called for interviews, asking how it felt to be going up against our former team.

Lauren and I had been looking forward to the contest, although after hearing over and over that everyone thought the Colts were going to get creamed, we wondered what type of reception we’d receive on game day.

But Lauren wasn’t going to let that negativity keep her from being there to support me. If anything, it made her more resolved to be there. So she and Tiara, wearing their Colts gear, met a group of friends before the game. Almost from the time they arrived, they were booed; they even got pelted with Cokes as they made their way to their seats. If that wasn’t enough, the Bucs controlled the scoreboard during the first two quarters. It was 21–0 at halftime. Except for cheering on the Colts, Lauren held her tongue—even when some Bucs fans suggested she head back to Indiana’s cornfields (never mind that she was living with the kids in Tampa).

We played better in the second half, but with five minutes to go, we still trailed 35–14. The Bucs fans were now too busy celebrating to bother Lauren and Tiara. But the unbelievable was about to happen. After scoring three consecutive touchdowns and then kicking a field goal in overtime to win, it was now our turn to celebrate.

It was one of my most satisfying victories, but I knew that win or lose, Lauren would be waiting for me, as always, outside the locker room. This time, she also presented me with a huge birthday cake—decked out in the Colts’ colors—to share with the team after the game.

Lauren has always been consistent about speaking well of me, both by her actions and by what she says when I’ve been questioned by frustrated fans or media.

We all know the importance of our words. And while it’s true that we can hurt anyone by our careless words, how much deeper does the wound go when we inflict it on the person who loves us most?

What we say really does matter. A lot.

God created the family structure as a place of safety and a place where husbands and wives can model what it means to love each other unconditionally. Is your home a sanctuary? Are your family members safe there? Not just physically, but in what they hear?

So often a stray word directed to a spouse or a child remains with them indefinitely. And what we say about family members in public can damage their reputations. That’s why making hasty comments to people outside our family—even when we think those words will never get back to our family members—can be so destructive.

Sometimes, as Lauren demonstrated, it’s best to say nothing at all to our spouse’s critics and instead to offer words of affirmation and support for our husband or wife. That often says more than any clever comeback ever could.

Adventure Application: Do you build up your spouse and children when you discuss them with others? Would you be comfortable if they heard what you were saying? What about when you speak to them? Are you giving them your blessing? If not, think about your words and how you might use them as a tool for good.