Family Talk

CORE PRACTICE #66: Model regular communication through family meetings.

Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken. —Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

TONY

Our family moved to Minnesota when our two oldest kids were in elementary school. One of the decisions Lauren and I made during that time was to begin having regular family meetings. These meetings weren’t called because something had gone wrong, and they didn’t take the place of the individual time we spent with each child. But they became a time of fellowship and connection between all family members, as well as an expected part of our family routine.

By encouraging Tiara and Jamie to tell us what was going on in their lives, they were affirmed, and we were able to show them that we considered their activities just as important as ours.

Sometimes one of the kids had a question or wanted to discuss a topic. Our family meetings also gave Lauren and me a chance to talk through issues and encourage the kids: “I loved the creativity you showed in that science report” or “How can we be sure you fit in piano practice several times this week?” We also talked about activities we might want to do or trips we’d want to take as a family, and everyone’s input was welcome.

They were not formal affairs by any means. Often we simply had them around the dinner table. The key was that everyone had to be there.

Over time, we realized these meetings also provided the kids with practice for speaking and organizing their thoughts, though that wasn’t the reason to meet. As a rule there were to be no judgments rendered on anything said. Nothing was to be criticized, condemned, or proclaimed as silly. If there was a problem, Lauren or I would deal with it later with that child in private.

When we moved to Tampa, these regular family meetings took on a new importance. Because of my position as the head football coach of the Buccaneers, we sometimes felt as if we were living in a fish bowl, and it was important that we helped our children remain united, balanced, and on board with what we were doing as a family. And it was more important than ever that we kept up with what was going on in their lives.

Perhaps you like the idea of gathering your family together but aren’t thrilled at the idea of calling it a “meeting.” That’s okay—call it anything you like. However, Lauren and I can vouch for the value of getting together with your children to talk about family life. As today’s Scripture points out, there’s always value in reaching out to each other to offer help, warmth, and protection. The family meeting may be one way to get it on your agenda.

Adventure Application: Do you have regularly scheduled family meetings? If so, do you need to make any tweaks for them to be more effective? If not, talk about whether they might make sense for your family.