“Do What I Say . . . And What I Do”

CORE PRACTICE #69: Remember that, with your words, you are teaching your kids how to speak to others.

Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.

—Proverbs 22:6

TONY

Our children are watching, whether we like it or not. I was reminded of that again several years ago, when our son Jordan was seven years old.

By then, he’d become familiar with my typical reaction whenever something goes wrong—whether on the football field or at home. Almost always, the first words out of my mouth are “You’ve got to be kidding me!”

So when his two-year-old brother, Justin, broke one of his favorite toys, Jordan’s first response was, “You’ve got to be kidding me!” (He even put just the right emphasis on the word got.)

You’re not surprised, are you? Kids are little sponges. They soak up whatever preferences or behaviors they are exposed to at home, whether it’s a love for books, sports, or the use of particular phrases.

We need to be careful about what we allow to come out of our mouths when we are around our children—especially when we are tired. That means guarding our thinking too. As Paul reminds us, we should “fix [our] thoughts on what is true, and . . . excellent” (Philippians 4:8).

Filling our minds with the good, the pure, and the true things of life seems like a good practice, but it isn’t always easy. It can be a particular challenge when we’re being served by a waiter, a salesclerk, or a cab driver. It can be easy to fall into the mind-set that because we’re paying for the service, we should be able to treat the provider in whatever manner we choose.

However, I want to show my children the importance of recognizing each person as a child of God. Therefore, as my children watch me place an order with a waiter, approach a clerk with a question, or give an address to a cab driver, I pray they see how I would like them to speak to others in any circumstance.

I have learned a lot about this from my friend James Brown. James is a sportscaster for CBS, and we often stay at the same hotel in New York during the football season. He is one of the nicest people I know and has never met a stranger. I’ve seen him interact with everyone from bellhops and custodians to broadcasters and Supreme Court justices. JB shares our mind-set that everybody matters, and he lives it out. He takes time with every person and gives grace to whomever he is speaking . . . you’d never know who they were. But I think it says even more about JB, and I hope I model the same courtesy and respect.

Adventure Application: Do either you or your spouse use any “catchphrases” that you’ve noticed your children picking up on? If so, and that’s a pattern you don’t want to encourage, how can you help each other replace those words with more positive expressions?