Couple Care

CORE PRACTICE #44: Stay connected through date nights and joint activities.

In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. —Ephesians 5:28

Lauren

Recently one of the couples in our Bible study, Yamilka and Dan Delgardo, celebrated their tenth wedding anniversary by holding a ceremony to renew their vows. Our entire group was invited to support them as they recommitted themselves to each other.

The celebration continued with a reception, complete with a meal and dancing. We had a great time. I actually got Tony out on the dance floor for a few dances! I suppose it was because so many of our friends were there and all the guys were dancing with their wives too. We hadn’t danced together in a long time.

Afterward, several of the couples mentioned how enjoyable the evening had been, leading Tony to remark that we needed to do that more often. I quickly agreed!

We have had date nights throughout our marriage, but we realized we want to try doing a variety of activities during the evenings we’ve set aside to spend together. Amid all the demands at work and home, we want to do more things together simply for fun.

I don’t know all the reasons couples drift apart, but I suspect one major cause is that they stop scheduling time together. In fact, I’m willing to guess that inattention creates more distance between couples than does a traumatic event or misbehavior by one spouse. Little by little, couples get so busy that mutual neglect slowly sets in. The bonds of commitment and caring begin to loosen.

Work naturally separates husbands and wives. Outside activities with friends of the same gender—sports teams, book clubs, civic clubs—may deepen the chasm. Even the demands of parenthood can turn our focus away from our spouse to our children. And busy as we are, all of us can find good excuses to skip date nights.

Yet as the apostle Paul points out in today’s Scripture, we are to treat each other with the same care and respect we give our own bodies. Just as we take time to feed, clothe, and rest our bodies every day, so we should love our spouse—in part, by nurturing our relationship. That means we need to be intentional about creating opportunities to spend time together. Bible study, devotional, and prayer time together are essential. But so is doing things together just for fun, or simply to catch up with each other.

Regularly scheduled date nights are both a commitment and an opportunity to spend time with each other. We can dream together as we once did or look back and remember life’s joys and challenges. We can simply enjoy each other as we do something fun together for a change—even if it is as simple as taking a walk in the park.

Whatever you do, one secret of an uncommon marriage is keeping those common interests . . . in common.

Adventure Application: Do you have a date night scheduled sometime in the next month? If not, take a few minutes to discuss a fun activity you could do together. Then get out your calendar and schedule it.