Committed

CORE PRACTICE #49: Commit to stay together, no matter what.

“Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’ And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together.” —Matthew 19:4-6

TONY

Lauren and I feel incredibly fortunate that we can point to our parents as our role models. Growing up, we seldom noticed our parents’ struggles, but we figure not every moment went as they had hoped it would. And we are pretty sure that neither Lauren’s parents nor mine agreed on every decision. But we saw that they took seriously the vows they had made to each other. They had made a promise they couldn’t and wouldn’t walk away from, no matter what difficulties they faced.

So why does holding a marriage together seem so much harder these days? After all, our parents weren’t immune from adversities. I think one reason is that our parents chose to look at life through the eyes of faith, rather than fear. They refused to live in fear and uncertainty, paralyzed by wondering, But what if this happens? What if we disagree? What if we struggle financially? They knew that no matter what they faced, God would walk them through it.

Many married couples today seem to focus on their circumstances and their feelings. They also try building their relationship on the shaky foundation of cultural expectations. They want to fit in, to be accepted, to achieve the American dream. The problem is, our feelings, our circumstances, and even our cultural standards are constantly shifting.

Depending on the survey you look at, one-third to one-half of all marriages end in divorce. Many states have made it too easy to separate and divorce, passing laws that enable couples to dissolve their vows simply by claiming that the marriage is “irretrievably broken.” Whatever that means.

That’s the bad news. The good news is that God designed something better. As Jesus says in this passage, God puts marriages together to be permanent, and we can’t let anything pull ours apart. When we make such a commitment, Christ will be the glue that holds us together. A strong marriage provides stability and support, not only for a couple but for their children and the wider community. It nurtures a lasting love that can endure and grow in the midst of the inevitable disappointments that life brings. Whenever Lauren and I face difficulties or feel any distance from each other, the commitment we made to each other years ago begins to draw us back together.

That doesn’t mean it’s always easy. In fact, in our own strength and given our own inherent selfishness, marriage is just too hard. That’s why an uncommon marriage is one in which a husband and wife place God at the center. They look to Christ and to the Bible to guide them. Their goal is a permanent bond that endures through anything. That’s a simple statement, but it’s a radical one. It’s uncommon.

Adventure Application: You learned about commitment and marriage from your parents. What other influences—media, your friends, or the wider culture—have shaped your views? How do those messages square with Jesus’ words in today’s Scripture?