Before Baby Makes Three

CORE PRACTICE #50: Spend time, if possible, getting to know each other before starting a family.

Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth.

—Proverbs 5:18

Lauren

Tony and I had known each other for just eleven months before our wedding. Though we’d agreed to meet only because my pastor kept urging us to do so, our relationship quickly took off once we realized that we shared a common faith, as well as similar values and interests. Before long, we began thinking about whether or not to get married.

Obviously, we chose marriage.

So though we advise married couples to consider waiting before having kids, we realize that their situation may be different from ours. Some spouses gain stepchildren when they marry. Others discover they’re expecting shortly after the honeymoon. Some people are much older when they marry and plan to start families right away. Every child is a blessing, and his or her arrival should be celebrated.

Not only that, but some couples know each other much better than Tony and I did when we married. Many meet while attending high school or college together. That gives them the opportunity to get to know each other as friends and classmates first. Others have long courtships while they finish their schooling or begin their careers.

Tony and I, however, appreciated taking time after our wedding to get to know each other even better. That’s when we began to really talk about our vision for our lives, our marriage, and our family. Those two and a half years together, before our first child, Tiara, was born, helped us build a strong foundation. We were able to travel, build friendships with other couples, and find common interests. We enjoyed developing our careers, and we bought our first home together which put us closer to my family—and a support system—before our daughter was born. Most important, we began to incorporate Bible study and prayer as normal parts of our routines, both as a couple and within our church.

Waiting a while didn’t stunt the size of our family either. We have nine children now, including six at home. Tony and I often remark that our life is a whirlwind, with never-ending homework, music lessons, athletic practices and games, sleepovers, church youth group activities, and dance lessons on our schedules.

And we love it. But it doesn’t always leave time just for us. So it was wise that we had a couple of years alone as a young couple before we began to have children.

Adventure Application: Deciding when and if to have children is just one of many decisions married couples must make. If you were to recommend one choice you and your spouse made (or wish you had made) early on to establish a strong foundation for your marriage, what would it be?