Apology Acceptable

CORE PRACTICE #80: Defuse tension during a minor disagreement by apologizing for your part.

And all of you, dress yourselves in humility as you relate to one another, for

“God opposes the proud but favors the humble.”

—1 Peter 5:5

Lauren

Two words can disarm any adversary and heal any bruised ego.

“I’m sorry.”

When genuinely spoken, this simple phrase can be a powerful balm. That’s especially true when you also follow Benjamin Franklin’s advice to “never ruin an apology with an excuse.” When offered outright and sincerely, without a qualifier like, “I’m sorry if what I said hurt you,” these two words defuse any tension. When offered without a disclaimer like “What I meant to say was . . . ,” they stand on their own and must be simply accepted or rejected for what they are—genuine remorse.

“I’m sorry.” Nothing more is needed. Simply offer your apology in a conciliatory, loving tone.

I’m fortunate to be married to a man who is never afraid to say these two little words. Tony has an extraordinarily humble servant’s heart for others, so he is able to see easily when “I’m sorry” is needed. When coming from Tony, those words are always real and always genuine. They never come with a justification for something he did or said. They aren’t followed by an explanation that tries to explain away his behavior. If he has some rights he could point to, he doesn’t try to stand on them. That has made him a wonderful example for me and our children through the years.

Tony seeks reconciliation because that is what Christ calls us to:

All of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ. And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him. For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation. (2 Corinthians 5:18-19)

Christ came to earth, was crucified, and rose again so that we could be reconciled with Him and with each other, with the result being peace. When we choose to forgive and say we’re sorry in marriage, we are modeling what the apostle Paul lays out in this passage. That’s when healing takes place, love deepens, and peace reigns.

Of course, while saying “I’m sorry” may sound simple, it’s not always easy to do. Yet in light of the impact it can have on our marriages and on those around us, it’s definitely worthwhile.

We like Pastor John Piper’s take on why forgiveness is so central to building a marriage. First, he points out that, because we are sinners, conflict is inevitable. Second, engaging in the “hard, rugged work” of forgiving actually makes renewing our affection for each other possible. Finally, God is glorified when “two very different and very imperfect people forge a life of faithfulness in the furnace of affliction by relying on Christ.”^a

So when we forgive each other, we’re giving the world a taste of God’s forgiveness for us. And that’s nothing to be sorry about.

Adventure Application: Why don’t you take a stab this week at being the person who makes peace reign in your home? When a disagreement or misunderstanding arises that leads you to act or speak too hastily, say “I’m sorry” as sincerely as possible. That’s it. See what happens.