Yours When You Earn It

Yours When You Earn It

Give to everyone what you owe them: If you owe . . . respect, then respect; if honor, then honor. Romans 13:7, NIV

Hardy Nickerson was a natural leader and one of our team captains in Tampa Bay. He had been an elite player with the Pittsburgh Steelers and surprised a lot of people by choosing as a free agent to play for the Buccaneers. He took a chance on us as we tried to turn the franchise around, and I was counting on him to use his leadership skills to influence the team culture and mentor some of our younger players who had never played for a winning organization.

In the first game of 1997, Hardy was called for a penalty for unsportsmanlike conduct at a critical moment while we were trying to protect a slim lead against the 49ers. I brought him to the sideline to find out what happened. “He disrespected me,” Hardy said of the 49er who provoked his retaliation. I reminded him of the character of the team we were trying to build—that we were basing our character on poise and mutual accountability and that this was an important ingredient in becoming a winning team.

As a proven winner, Hardy knew more than most what kind of attitude we needed to have as a unit. I reminded him that he needed to stand for the team first as a leader and couldn’t abandon our goal of winning simply because his individual honor had been challenged. His answer surprised me: “That’s all fine until somebody disrespects me.”

That was a revealing moment for me, one of my first glimpses into the psychology of respect. Hardy wasn’t expressing an unusual thought. If one of our brightest, most experienced players felt this way—even if only in the heat of the moment—then many other players probably did too. We met during the next week, under calmer circumstances, to make sure we were on the same page, and we got everything straightened out. We were able to move forward with a common understanding of respect and his role on the team.

We all learned something from that incident. The Bucs went on to become a playoff-caliber team, and Hardy became one of our most respected leaders.

Respect isn’t a right. We aren’t entitled to it, and we can never earn it by demanding it. It’s something we earn because of our character—and by giving it to others. If we want to be respected, we have to show ourselves to be worthy of it, not by our status, possessions, or accomplishments, but by honesty, integrity, and responsibility.

Uncommon Key > Respect can only be earned, not ordered. And character is the key to earning it. Maintain your character, and other people’s respect for you will grow.