The Tongue

The tongue is a small thing that makes grand speeches. But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire. And among all the parts of the body, the tongue is a flame of fire. It is a whole world of wickedness, corrupting your entire body. It can set your whole life on fire, for it is set on fire by hell itself. James 3:5-6

“GRAND SPEECHES.” Most parents have made those a time or two —lofty lectures about sharing, about telling the truth, about being kind to each other, about getting a job done. So many grand speeches. With the best of intentions, it is easy for us to use our authority as parents to drill our kids down into the ground with our lectures. We also know that our tongue has been a flame of fire in our home —ignited by a spark of frustration so that it burns harsh words and hurtful evaluations of our kids deep into their souls. Our words, and perhaps more significantly our condescending or belittling tone, have singed tender places inside our children.

Our facial expressions and body language can communicate to our kids that they are a nuisance, unimportant, difficult, disappointing, and dumb. Sometimes we use sarcasm or put-downs in ways that our children take to heart as our real estimation of them.

Jesus said, “Whatever is in your heart determines what you say” (Matthew 12:34). The way we speak to and respond to our children —both in terms of what we say as well as the tone with which we say it —exposes the condition of our hearts. In this way, God uses the task of parenting to reveal our neediness for deep heart change produced by the Holy Spirit —the kind of heart change that transforms the way we talk to and about our children.

Lord, I am a parent with unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips. Without Jesus to cleanse my tongue, soften my heart, and renew my mind, I would have no hope of my tongue becoming a source of blessing rather than a source of cursing to ________. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. And give me the privilege of speaking into ________’s life out of this clean heart and right spirit.