Your House Of Love

Your House of Love

Many waters cannot quench love, nor can rivers drown it. If a man tried to buy love with all his wealth, his offer would be utterly scorned.

Song of Songs 8:7

About thirty miles from Belfast, Northern Ireland, close to the shore of Strangford Lough, is a stately home called Castle Ward that tourists can visit. The house was built in the 1760s, and its original owners were Bernard Ward, the first Viscount Bangor, and his wife, Lady Anne.

The most striking feature of the house is its display of two different styles of architecture. The rear of the house is Gothic, while the front is neoclassical. Why the different styles? Because Bernard enjoyed one while Lady Anne another. Today, the house still stands—as a monument to stubbornness, some would say—but to others, it is a celebration of diversity.

Do you ever feel as if your proverbial house of love is being built with the same mentality? As if your marriage is becoming too focused on who gets what? We’ve known some couples who are so consumed with their individual concerns that they miss one of the great joys that can be found in learning to compromise.

Can you recall the last issue where either one of you, or both of you, demonstrated a marked ability to compromise? What was that issue, and why did you choose to compromise on it? Can you recall how you felt as a result? More likely than not, you eventually felt a great sense of satisfaction. You felt as if you’d accomplished something and grown as a person. Mature and emotionally healthy people learn to become professionals in the fine art of compromise.

The truth is that most marriages are going to have opposing features, some quite striking, because of the distinct personalities of the spouses. But remember this: the healthiest marriages allow for the full expression of both personalities. As iron sharpens iron, they help one another become who God intended them to be. And as this verse reminds us, you can’t buy this kind of love.

Love is the only way to grasp another human being in the innermost core of his personality.

—Viktor E. Frankl