Guilt And Grace

Guilt and Grace

Now I am glad I sent it, not because it hurt you, but because the pain caused you to repent and change your ways. It was the kind of sorrow God wants his people to have, so you were not harmed by us in any way. For the kind of sorrow God wants us to experience leads us away from sin and results in salvation. There’s no regret for that kind of sorrow. But worldly sorrow, which lacks repentance, results in spiritual death.

2 Corinthians 7:9-10

Early Catholic guides for priests taking confessions warned about a type of person called “the scrupulous,” people who held on to guilt no matter what. They were “unrelieved confessors” who, in spite of all assurances, could not accept grace.

If you are “scrupulous,” if you are holding on to your guilt like a security blanket, you can be assured that it is doing damage to your marriage. Guilt is like a toxin to relationships. There is a better way. The secret is found in this passage of 2 Corinthians, and it is called “godly sorrow”—as opposed to “worldly sorrow” or guilt.

While guilt and sorrow are sometimes seen as the same emotional experience, they could not be further apart. Sorrow, unlike guilt, does not wallow in self-punishment and self-abasement. Instead, it is grounded in a deep concern for relationships and constructive change.

German reformer Martin Luther struggled with unbounded feelings of guilt. He expended great energy meeting the requirements of his religious order, confessing his sins repeatedly, and on one occasion, for six hours. He was so obsessed with confessing even the minutest sins that once his superior chided him by saying, “If you expect God to forgive you, come in to confession with something to forgive.”

When we relate to God out of a guilty conscience, rather than godly sorrow, we try to earn our worth by being severely critical of ourselves. Rather than rely on God’s mercy, we struggle to show God—and sometimes our spouse—how good we are.

Of course, that’s no way to live. And it’s certainly not the life God called us to. So what can you do today if you’re living under the weight of guilt and condemnation? Maybe you can list anything and everything you are feeling guilty about. Then ask each other what things you listed might fall into the category of “false guilt.” Gaining some objective perspective from each other may be all you need today to get a fresh glimpse of God’s grace in your life.

Grace is not simply leniency when we have sinned. Grace is the enabling gift of God not to sin. Grace is power, not just pardon.

—John Piper