What Men Need To Know About Women

What Men Need to Know about Women

Each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor.

1 Thessalonians 4:4

So here we are midway through 365 days of the year. . . . We think that’s as good a reason as any to talk a bit about physical intimacy. In fact, we want to talk with the genders in mind. So, men, this one’s for you (don’t worry, women; tomorrow is your day).

Here’s a little review from Females 101. Maybe you don’t need it, but most men can benefit from this fundamental reminder. Women, unlike men, do not separate the physical from the relational and emotional aspects of the relationship. They want an ongoing sense of connection. They want an overarching atmosphere of intimacy and affection built on daily choices. As our friend Kevin Leman says it, “Sex begins in the kitchen.” For this reason, it is critically important to communicate in loving ways throughout the day and give your wife special attention.

Your wife is also more vulnerable to distraction when it comes to physical intimacy. If she is fatigued, feeling hurt, or struggling with her body image, she may have difficulty focusing on intimacy. So do your best to minimize distractions by paying attention to what dampens her desires.

There you have it, some fundamental facts about female sexuality that husbands need to keep in mind. But we don’t want to stop here. We have a suggestion—for your wife.

We suggest that you, the woman married to this man, help him see the relevance of these fundamental facts to your relationship. You can do this by recalling times when he got it right. No need to point out failures (every husband is keenly aware of those). Now, if you can’t think of specifics right now, that’s okay. Just keep in mind that what is central to your nature when it comes to physical intimacy is not the same for him. So helping him see the relevance of these truths within specific examples will go a long way toward helping your love life become everything you desire.

God intends . . . that the “one flesh” experience should be an expression and a highlighting of the partner’s sense that, being given to each other, they now belong together, each meeting the other for completion and wholeness.

—J. I. Packer