Marriage Moccasins

Marriage Moccasins

Keep on loving each other as brothers and sisters. Don’t forget to show hospitality to strangers, for some who have done this have entertained angels without realizing it! Remember those in prison, as if you were there yourself. Remember also those being mistreated, as if you felt their pain in your own bodies.

Hebrews 13:1-3

We can all learn something from this well-known Sioux Indian prayer: “Oh Great Spirit, grant me the wisdom to walk in another’s moccasins before I criticize or pass judgment.” Learning to walk in your mate’s moccasins is at the heart of a healthy marriage relationship. It is the rare capacity to put yourself into the shoes of your partner and accurately see life from his or her perspective. Psychologists call it empathy.

Empathy combines two important capacities, to analyze and to sympathize—to use our heads and to use our hearts. Our analytical capacities involve collecting facts and observing conditions. We look at a problem, break it down into its causes, and propose solutions. That’s analyzing. Sympathizing is feeling for another person. It is feeling the pain of someone who’s suffering or feeling the anger of a person in rage. Together, sympathizing and analyzing are the twin engines of empathy. One without the other is fine, but their true power is found in combination. We need to love with both head and heart in order to empathize.

The apostle Paul encouraged empathy in Hebrews when he said: “Remember those in prison, as if you were there yourself. Remember also those being mistreated, as if you felt their pain in your own bodies” (13:3).

When we empathize with our partners, we put aside our expectation that they should be like us. We accept the fact that they have brought their unique personality into our marriage, and we ask ourselves questions like “What is he feeling? What pressures does she have to cope with? What does he fear? What does she need? How, if at all, should I help my spouse?”^a

Remember there’s no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.

—Scott Adams

^a 94