Does It Matter?

Does It Matter?

Pride leads to conflict; those who take advice are wise.

Proverbs 13:10

“Last Thursday I was coming up Westlake Avenue and saw Jerry walking out of his office. I honked but I don’t think. . . .”

“Honey,” you speak up, “Jerry’s office is on Denny, not Westlake.”

“Well, whatever, I was downtown and saw him,” your spouse continues. “He has this huge potted plant and I’m guessing . . .”

“Wait a second,” you interrupt again. “You were still out of town last Thursday, so it had to be Friday.”

Do you ever see a little bit of yourself in this scenario? Do you notice that you sometimes interrupt to be sure your spouse’s facts are straight? You may not even be aware of doing this. But some spouses can’t help but correct misinformation from their partners. Unfortunately, this comes across as inconsiderate and even rude, especially when it’s in front of other people.

Of course, other little habits of ours are just as inconsiderate and rude, especially in front of others. Do you stretch the truth? Criticize your spouse? Hoard his or her attention? Prevent the two of you from leaving an engagement at the time you know your spouse would like to leave?

If there’s a habit you think you might indulge a little too much and you’d like to curb this distressing tendency, there’s a simple strategy. It has to do with increasing your level of awareness. Once you become aware of the fact that you’re correcting irrelevant details, you can immediately stop doing so. A tip that’s helpful to many, especially in public settings, is to simply devise a little signal that your spouse can use to let you know you’re doing it again, whatever it is. Your spouse might simply give a gentle tug on his or her earlobe, for example.

Let your spouse know that you want to improve this behavior and decide on the signal together. Even expressing the desire to change this annoying habit will be a loving gesture your spouse will appreciate.

Ruth and I don’t have a perfect marriage, but we have a great one. How can I say two things that seem so contradictory? In a perfect marriage, everything is always the finest and best imaginable; like a Greek statue, the proportions are exact and the finish is unblemished. Who knows any human beings like that? . . . To expect perfection in each other is unrealistic.

—Billy Graham