When You’re Angry At Yourself

When You’re Angry at Yourself

Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back.

Proverbs 29:11

MOST OF US DO STUPID THINGS. Then we get angry at ourselves. This anger may be mild, medium, or malicious, depending on what we have done. If I get to my car parked in the garage and realize that I left my key in the second-story bedroom, my anger toward myself may be mild. If I lock my keys in the car in the shopping center parking lot, my anger may be medium. But if I lose my keys on a hunting trip one hundred miles from the nearest civilization, my anger at myself may be malicious.

How does this affect marriage? When I am angry at myself, I may take it out on my spouse. Likely, he or she will see the unfairness of that and respond in anger, beginning an unpleasant exchange. Wouldn’t it be better to say to myself: Self, you did a stupid thing, and it’s going to cost you some time. But don’t make it worse by stewing or lashing out at someone who’s not to blame. Once I’ve done that, I can get on with the solution.

King Solomon wrote very bluntly that someone who vents his anger—particularly at someone who had nothing to do with the situation, I’ll add—is foolish, but the one who can control it is wise. It’s always better to move on from your frustration, which is nonproductive, and think about how you can improve the situation.

Doing a stupid thing does not make you stupid. Don’t beat up on yourself, and please, don’t take it out on your spouse.

Lord Jesus, I waste a lot of time and emotional energy being upset at myself. Too often that spills over into the way I treat my spouse, and I know that’s neither fair nor kind. Please help me to move away from my frustration and instead look for a way to solve the problem I’m facing. Thank you, Lord, for having compassion on our weaknesses.

Self-anger