When Alcoholism Enters The Marriage

When Alcoholism Enters the Marriage

Who has anguish? Who has sorrow? . . . It is the one who spends long hours in the taverns, trying out new drinks. . . . For in the end [wine] bites like a poisonous snake; it stings like a viper.

Proverbs 23:29-30, 32

FEW THINGS DAMAGE marital intimacy more than alcoholism. In fact, research has shown that a marriage in which one partner is a drug or alcohol abuser has only a one-in-ten chance of survival. With an estimated twelve million alcoholics in the United States, we are dealing with a problem of colossal magnitude.

Alcoholism is not a new problem; it’s been around since Old Testament times. In fact, in Proverbs 23, King Solomon wrote a vivid description of the negative effects of chronically drinking too much. Alcoholism brings anguish and sorrow.

Why is alcoholism so destructive to marriage? The answer lies in the behavior that grows out of substance abuse. The alcoholic is extremely egocentric; life centers on meeting his or her own needs. In his effort to hide his addiction, the abuser becomes a master of deceit. Such deceit builds walls of separation between marital partners. The alcoholic is insensitive to the feelings of those who care for him, and his addiction often leads to verbal abuse and loss of jobs.

The partner who focuses on these symptoms rather than on the real problem will be greatly frustrated. Too often, the partner becomes an enabler, doing anything possible to keep the peace in the family. Ultimately, the only thing that will help an alcoholic is tough love.

Father, I pray for your guidance and help as we figure out how to deal with the addictions or habits in our lives that threaten our marital unity, including those that may not be as blatant as substance abuse. Please grant us wisdom.

Alcoholism