Loving An Alcoholic

Loving an Alcoholic

Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony.

Colossians 3:14

LIVING WITH AN ALCOHOLIC or any type of addict calls for tough love. Barbara realized this after ten years of living with an alcoholic husband. Alcoholics know how to manipulate, con, and lie in order to be successful addicts. Their stories and excuses sound so plausible, you really want to believe them.

But eventually Barbara learned how to love her husband genuinely by refusing to pick up the pieces, to make excuses, or to rescue him from the consequences of his behavior. She let him stay in the local jail in spite of his pleadings for her to bail him out. She let him lose his job rather than intervening on his behalf. When he went on a drinking binge, she took the children and went to her mother’s.

That was the last straw for Dan. He came begging and pleading for Barbara to return, but she was able to say no to his tears. She told him that she would not return until he entered a treatment program and agreed to go through marriage counseling with her. Dan came back begging the next night, and she repeated her answer. A week later, he was in a treatment program.

The Bible is clear that we are to “clothe ourselves with love,” as Paul wrote in Colossians 3. But loving people doesn’t mean letting them walk all over us; rather, it means doing what is ultimately best for them. Barbara was learning that tough love is the only love an alcoholic understands.

Father, sometimes we think that gentle, tender love is the only way to be Christlike. But I know that’s not always the way you love; when I read through the Bible, I see times when you imposed consequences so that people would be motivated to change. Please help me to know when tough love is appropriate in my marriage, and help me to implement it with my spouse’s best interests in mind.

Alcoholism