The Reasons Behind The Silence

The Reasons behind the Silence

Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will hold me close. Teach me how to live, O LORD. Lead me along the right path.

Psalm 27:10-11

WHEN YOUR SPOUSE gives you the “silent treatment,” there are always reasons. Usually there’s a contemporary reason, an emotional reason, and a historical reason. The contemporary reason is whatever has just happened that the spouse finds objectionable. For Mike, in our example from yesterday, it was Jill’s announcement that she was going to the beach.

The emotional reason involves the deeper feelings triggered by the event. In our example, Mike did not feel secure in Jill’s love. He reasoned, If she loved me, she would want to be with me.

The historical reason often involves patterns of communication. Mike’s parents would not allow him to argue with them, so when he felt hurt or angry, he learned to be silent. If you learned negative patterns from your parents, I encourage you to remember that you are not stuck in them. The Lord can renew your mind and teach you new ways.

If you have been given the “silent treatment” by your spouse, here are the three questions you need to answer:

• What have I just done or failed to do that my spouse might have found objectionable?
• Does my spouse feel secure in my love? Have I been speaking the right love language?
• What do I know about my spouse’s history or childhood that might help me understand the silence?

Tomorrow we will talk about a strategy for breaking the silence.

Heavenly Father, you know how deep-seated some of our communication patterns are. Please show us the way to new, better ways of talking and dealing with problems. Thank you for teaching us.

Silence