Taking The Initiative To Love

Taking the Initiative to Love

God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other.

1 John 4:9-11

I BELIEVE OUR DEEPEST emotional need is the need to feel loved. If we are married, the person we most want to love us is our spouse. If we feel loved by our spouse, the whole world looks bright. If we do not feel loved, the whole world looks dark. However, we don’t get love by complaining or making demands.

One man told me, “If my wife would just be a little more affectionate, then I could be responsive to her. But when she gives me no affection, I want to stay away from her.” He is waiting to receive love before he gives love. Someone must take the initiative. Why must it be the other person?

Why are we so slow to understand that the initiative to love is always with us? God is our example. We love God because he first loved us (see 1 John 4:19). He loved us even when we were sinful, even when we weren’t responsive, even when we had done nothing to deserve it. That’s the ultimate example of love that takes the initiative. If you choose to give your spouse unconditional love and learn how to express love in a language your spouse can feel, there is every possibility that your spouse will reciprocate. Love begets love.

Father, you have shown us the way to love—unconditionally, by taking the initiative and not waiting for the other person to reciprocate. Please help me to express that kind of love to my spouse.

Unconditional Love