Hidden Motives

Hidden Motives

The LORD’s light penetrates the human spirit, exposing every hidden motive.

Proverbs 20:27

WHEN WE TRY TO UNDERSTAND the “hidden self,” we realize that emotional and spiritual needs motivate much of our behavior. If you can understand the motives behind your spouse’s behavior, it should help you relate to him or her in a more positive way. Here are some questions to help you in the process.

• What motivates my spouse’s behavior? What needs is he or she consciously or subconsciously trying to meet?
• What motivates my own behavior? What needs am I trying to meet?

Human behavior is not a mystery, but it does require examination. We must look beyond the behavior to what motivates it. If I understand that my spouse’s motive for joining a hunting club is to meet the need for belonging, then maybe I can affirm his behavior even though I would rather he join a volunteer group.

Understanding motives gives us guidance on how to help each other. Only God knows the depths of our hearts and everything that motivates us, as the psalmist makes clear in the passage above. God can guide us as we seek to understand our spouse’s actions. If we don’t look for motives, we may end up condemning each other’s behavior and destroying intimacy. Understanding motivation enables us to be companions rather than competitors.

Lord God, I pray for insight into my spouse’s actions that only you can give me. Help me to be patient and understanding. I want our relationship to be strengthened as I gain insight into his or her needs. When I’m hurt or confused, please show me how to meet those needs.

Motivation