Combating Defensiveness

Combating Defensiveness

Make up your mind not to worry beforehand how you will defend yourselves.

Luke 21:14 (NIV)

DEFENSIVENESS STOPS THE FLOW of communication in a marriage. Imagine that your wife says, “It’s about time you took the garbage out. The flies were about to take it out for you.” That cutting comment makes something inside you get huffy, and your response is to avoid your wife. So the rest of the evening, no matter what she says, all you do is grunt. If she keeps talking, you leave the room. Or perhaps your response is to say something equally cutting back to her so that she will feel hurt too.

What’s going on? What your wife said blasted your self-esteem. Perhaps her message was the same one you used to hear from your mother: “You’re irresponsible.” No one wants to be an irresponsible person. So when your wife implied you were one, you got defensive and went after her. But remember, your wife is not your enemy. Rather, the message she spoke is the enemy.

Jesus told his disciples that they would face many obstacles and false charges. People would persecute them, but they didn’t need to worry about how to defend themselves. Why? First, because the charges weren’t valid, and second, because the Holy Spirit would give them the words they needed to say. We’re not talking about being persecuted for our faith, of course, but we can still trust God to help us respond appropriately.

Defensiveness indicates that your self-esteem has been attacked. Focus on the right enemy, and you can turn your negative feelings into positive actions.

Lord God, when I feel defensive, please help me to consider the message objectively. If it is true, let me be willing to take steps to make a positive change. If it’s not true, help me not to respond angrily but to trust that you will give me the right words to say. Thank you, Lord.

Defensiveness