Decision Making As A Team

Decision Making as a Team

The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge; the ears of the wise seek it out.

Proverbs 18:15 (NIV)

IF DECISION MAKING in marriage is a team effort—and it should be—then how do we find agreement? As individuals, we have personal thoughts and feelings on every subject, and those do not always agree with our spouse’s. If we are to reach agreement, we must listen, understand, and compromise.

First, listen so you can learn what your spouse is thinking. As we see in Proverbs 18:15, wise people seek out new knowledge. That involves listening and discernment. Trying to see the world through your spouse’s eyes enables you to understand his or her thoughts and feelings. Once you’ve done that, you can move on to compromise. This is not a negative word. Webster’s dictionary says a compromise is “a settlement by consent reached by mutual concessions.” We each share our perspective, and then we look for that on which we can agree. Each partner must be willing to give and to change.

The motivation for this is love. We are to be thinking about the benefit of the other person. Love says, “I want what is best for you. Therefore, I am willing to change my plans in order to meet your needs.” In Colossians 1:8, Paul wrote about the love for others that the Holy Spirit has given us as believers. Without that spirit of love, we may never reach agreement.

Lord Jesus, you know that making decisions can be difficult at times for my spouse and me. Please help me to remember that it’s not ultimately about winning or doing what I want to do, but rather about coming to a decision that is workable for both of us. Please help me to be willing to listen, understand, and compromise for the sake of our marriage.

Compromise