Someone Else’s Dream

Someone Else’s Dream

Each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Ephesians 5:33

“What are some of the most important things you’ve learned in your marriage?” The question was posed to Tim and me by a young couple who were getting married the following month.

My exact words escape my memory, but the gist was this: it’s important to be honest, authentic, vulnerable, and above all, kind. Kindness requires us to see others as worthy and loved and made in God’s image, despite their flaws. Kindness gives others the benefit of the doubt. And sometimes, kindness in marriage means supporting the other person’s dream, even when it is not your own dream.

Several years ago, I decided to fulfill my goal of obtaining a graduate degree. I’ll be honest—I picked a terrible time to start taking classes. Rather than bemoaning my decision to quit my job, or questioning the timing of starting school just as we were thinking of having a baby, or asking me what I was going to do with my degree afterward, my husband simply said yes. Despite the fact that it took me five years to finish—as I took breaks to have two children—and I stayed up late to write papers and talked about obscure topics like male hysteria in Richard Marsh’s novel The Beetle—Tim supported me. And he was proud of me.

On my wedding day, it was easy to tell the world that I would love and cherish my husband always. But I didn’t know then, as I know now and as our young friends will learn for themselves as the years go by, how challenging it is to truly love someone. Ephesians admonishes us to show love and respect to our spouses—just as much as we love ourselves.

Kindness in marriage can sometimes require us to make the sacrificial decision to be unselfish when our mate changes course in habits, interests, or career. That’s not to say we are required to go along with every crazy scheme our spouses think up, but merely to show kindness in exhibiting love and respect, considering another person’s preferences as much as we consider our own.

—Kristin

— Today’s Act of Kindness —

Go out of your way to support your spouse’s dreams. If you are unmarried, show a friend or colleague that you support them in a dream they are pursuing.