Second Chances

Second Chances

Do to others as you would like them to do to you.

Two years ago, my daughter encountered cruel words and cliquish exclusion from some of her peers—typical “mean girls” who make themselves feel good by putting others down. As we talked about the hurt she felt, I gently reminded her: hurt people hurt people.

One young lady I desperately wanted to label and dismiss as a “mean girl” was a child caught up in difficult life circumstances. While my anger on my daughter’s behalf was justified, I also felt a tug of prayerful sympathy as I remembered my insecurities at that stage of life. And while this girl’s actions weren’t okay, understanding the larger context deflated my indignation and gave me an entirely new perspective—her “mean girl” behaviors were a way to shield herself from further pain.

Jesus is for that girl just as fiercely as he is for you. And when we see people as Jesus sees them, our hearts soften, our perspectives shift, and we stop taking their words and attitudes and behaviors personally. That doesn’t mean that we are doormats, allowing others to abuse us; however, we can respond with mercy and grace rather than with harsh words of our own, and we can teach our children to do the same.

Lizzie did not retaliate, and she did not try to turn their social circle against the other girl. We talked about boundaries she could set, and I monitored the situation closely in case I needed to have a conversation with their teacher. We found ways to minimize contact with this other girl while increasing contact with friends outside of that social circle to give Lizzie a safe place. Fast-forward two years, and both girls remain in the same social circle and have established a new, tentative friendship. There are no more harsh words, no more exclusionary games. While Lizzie and I discussed carefully moving forward, we realized that a once-enemy had crossed over into the beginnings of friendship because, in part, Lizzie did not treat her like an enemy, even when she could have.

The golden rule has seeped out of Scripture and into our general culture for a very good reason: treating others as you want to be treated is a teaching so valuable and so true that it can turn enemies into friends.

— Julie

— Today’s Act of Friendship —

Reevaluate how you interact with women you’ve labeled and dismissed as “mean girls.” Create a plan for both grace and boundaries.