Will You Be My Friend? - Refrigerator Friends

Will You Be My Friend? - Refrigerator Friends

Each had his past shut in him like the leaves of a book known to him by heart; and his friends could only read the title. —Virginia Woolf

I WAS INTRODUCED to the concept of refrigerator friends many years ago by a Wall Street Journal article. I can’t find reference to the writer to give him (or her) credit, but here’s the idea: a refrigerator friend is that person who is so comfortable with you that she will come into your house, open the fridge, and help herself to whatever she needs. You know—the kind of friend you see on TV sitcoms. Do you have refrigerator friends?

I have this theory: if you have one, you probably developed that friendship when you were younger. When you were messy.

When I was a child, my friends would run into our house and throw open my parents’ refrigerator door. Whether hungry or thirsty, they were welcome to whatever refreshment they found. Likewise, if I was on their street, I never hesitated to run in their houses and grab the handles of their Frigidaires.

I made my first adult refrigerator friend when I was a young mother. Still in my teens, I was a mess. As I was struggling to make a living, learning to change diapers, and dealing with a new husband, a woman ten years my senior came into my life and opened my refrigerator door. Ina raced me through Kmart to the next Blue Light special, she taught me to make homemade bread, and she was always my biggest fan. Our time together was brief; she soon moved back to her home in St. Louis. But she’s still—thirty years later—my refrigerator friend. When we call or e-mail, she always tells me I haven’t changed a bit. And she’s right. With her, I’m a messy kid all over again.

Ina and I became refrigerator friends in about three months. When I met Karen I was in my midtwenties, and it took me nearly a year to open up and be the messy me that I am. It took me even longer to find my next refrigerator friend. In fact, I almost starved and dehydrated my refrigerator girlfriend, Paula, because it took us nearly ten years to form this bond! Why did it take so long? As we get older we’re more protective of our hearts and our pride; we fear the judgment of others. We want to look like we have our acts together when, in reality, the perfectionism we work to portray is the very thing that keeps others from opening up to us.

Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (1 Corinthians 13:7)

Like all good relationships, a refrigerator friendship takes two. Two souls who are willing to share their biggest fears, deepest secrets, and future dreams. You can’t open my refrigerator door if I can’t open yours.