Playing The Scales - Same Song, Fourth Verse

Playing the Scales - Same Song, Fourth Verse

Change is inevitable. Growth is optional. —John Maxwell

ON JANUARY 12, 2007, I was sitting in a client’s office when my cell phone rang. As usual, I turned the ringer down and let the call go to voice mail in order to focus my attention on my client. Just moments later the phone rang for the second time, and I realized from the customized ring tone that it was Steve.

Thinking someone from the office needed me urgently, I excused myself and answered. Steve said, “Scott’s at the office.” I asked, “Scott who?” He said, “Our son. Scott.” I was speechless.

Scott had been missing for three years, one month, and nineteen days.

Upon my reunion with Scott and for several days afterward I realized I was most likely playing the same song, fourth verse with him. Our family has memorized this tune and we know the repeats and the crescendos; we just can’t find the place where it resolves.

Many women who write me in response to Truth Nuggets share the challenges they endure with their mentally ill or chemically dependent family members. It’s an interesting three-way tightrope we walk between our boundaries, our unconditional love, and our hope. The only way we can help is by fully recognizing that we’re not playing this song alone—we didn’t write the score, we can’t change the tempo, and we can’t control how the final chord will be played. We can only pluck out a few new notes, hoping to appropriately accompany the one whose concerto this really is.

I know that Scott has big challenges. I’m not sure he will ever be mainstreamed. And I know there is a chance that he’ll “wander off” again, drawn to the dark side where drugs medicate his pain.

But there is something interesting about our song this time. Maybe it’s Scott’s life experiences. Maybe it’s the incredibly long pause in our song. Or maybe it’s our mutual acceptance of this situation and the reality of what is and what will never be.

We had to celebrate this happy day. For your brother was dead and has come back to life! He was lost, but now he is found! (Luke 15:32)

This melody—even if it repeats—is sweeter this time around. Hope springs eternal and puts feeling back into playing the scales. One more time—from the top—with gratitude.