One Breath Away from Burnout - An Exhausted Heart (Part Trois)

One Breath Away from Burnout - An Exhausted Heart (Part Trois)

There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will. —Epictetus

AS OFTEN AS WE peg others as the source of our burnout, the problem usually is not with the people we love. Even the irregular people in our lives are not to blame for our state of frustration. The driving force behind our relational burnout is our need to “fix” another person. Trying to control the desires, wills, habits, motivations, conscience, and futures of those we care for is what really wears us out.

Although Scott was twenty-seven the day he called me at the office to tell me of his relapse, I realized I was still parenting him like he was five. Without intending to, I had continued my “control tower” brand of parenting: I’m looking down—watching you, protecting you, guiding you—because you don’t have the ability to take care of yourself. I came to the conclusion as I let my kite go that I had undermined my son’s confidence, indirectly communicating to him that he wasn’t bright enough, strong enough, or man enough to take care of himself. When I let go of my kite, I watched a man unfold before my eyes. Almost immediately, his self-worth soared.

If you’re suffering from burnout with someone you love, you might try what I did the day I let the kite go (which so far seems to be working much better than my old ways of intervention and prodding):

Let go; give the person space.

Allow the other person to make his or her own way, even if it’s not your way.

Give opinions or counsel, but only when asked.

Allow your family member or friend to stumble; you have not been called to walk upright for others.

Refrain from swooping in to rescue; you can’t fix someone else.

Let the movie roll; you’re only a supporting actor. Leave the directing to God.

Be patient.

And pray.

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful. (2 Timothy 4:7)

By trying to mold the ones you love into what you want them to be, you’re only setting yourself up for frustration—and an exhausted heart.