Living Intentionally - Be Confused (Part Trois)

Living Intentionally - Be Confused (Part Trois)

HOMOSEXUALITY. Anyone confused about this one?

When I was in my midthirties, I had to face the reality that our son is gay. This didn’t come as a complete surprise to either my husband or me. I had wondered about Scott’s gender orientation for years; still, I hoped for a miracle. Every night for over ten years I prayed that “this cup would pass from him.”

Nature or nurture? As his mom, I had a front row seat in the developing movie called “Scott’s Life.” Watching him in his size 3 Toughskins make a beeline for his sister’s Barbie over his trucks and cars was only the first sign that he might be struggling with his gender identity. A little later, any sport involving a ball was treated with the same disdain as spinach; and well—he was a sweet, tenderhearted boy. To counter these inclinations, we enrolled him in contact sports, bought him manly boy toys, and encouraged him to “toughen up.” But it didn’t work. With every passing year, I became more sure the day was coming when he would tell us he was gay.

Condemned or forgiven? Well, here’s where I struggled. My pastors and church friends clearly condemned homosexuality. But sometimes when they spoke about those who struggle with this tendency, I felt as if they were vilifying my sweet seven-year-old.

Conditional acceptance or unconditional love? Oh, have I ever flip-flopped on this one. Scott was fourteen the night we finally addressed the elephant in the room. I told Scott I loved him unconditionally—that if his eyes were purple and his hair was green, he’d still be my baby. But honestly, I flip-flopped. When he matured and became sexually active I had to set new boundaries; I shut things out and I cringed. It was a harsh awakening for me to realize that I love him, yes—but my ability to deal with this lifestyle is very conditional.

If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. (James 1:5)

Are you confused about how to deal with your child’s sexual orientation? I firmly believe that God was with us in our family’s struggle, and it’s okay if you are struggling too. Living intentionally is sometimes very complex.