If They Weren’t The Cleavers - Who’s Loved Most, Wally Or The Beav?

If They Weren’t the Cleavers - Who’s Loved Most, Wally or the Beav?

SIBLING RIVALRY EXISTS. So does favoritism. We’ve all been someone’s favorite. Felt it in our bones. Maybe it made us feel special or maybe we felt embarrassed for others who didn’t feel as prized. But we’ve all also been disliked; or at least felt that way. Reality or perception—it doesn’t really matter. If you felt like the odd one out as a child, you’ve probably had to be extra diligent in developing your self-worth.

My girlfriend Anne told me that she felt less valued in her family of seven children. Her mom suffered from “issues,” and as Anne was growing up, the duty to care for her younger sister fell to her. Only in the past year, nearly three years after her mother’s death, did her siblings confirm that yes—their mother told them before she died that she didn’t love Anne the same as she loved the other children. Needless to say, it’s one thing to suspect, but something altogether different to have it confirmed that you were not as cherished as your siblings. When I asked Anne how she felt about this revelation she said, “You know, the hardest thing now is for me to know how to love her. I’m supposed to love my mother. She’s gone. I can’t confront her but I must love her. I’m supposed to.”

Anne didn’t feel threatened or competitive with her siblings—her contest was only with herself. But many siblings take their rivalry to their grave, creating root rot in the family tree. At some point, future generations in the family have to stop the insanity. Someone has to fertilize those roots!

Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him. (James 1:12, NASB)

Were you loved less? I hope not. But if you were, I hope you can find a way to give those who just didn’t know better—or those who could have done better and didn’t—a pass. Not for them. They most likely don’t deserve it. But you do. You deserve to have the peace and freedom that come from letting it go.