If They Weren’t The Cleavers - They Might Make A Good Coen Brothers’ Film

If They Weren’t the Cleavers - They Might Make a Good Coen Brothers’ Film

A GIRLFRIEND (we’ll call her Mary) and I were recently talking about our mothers. Like mine, her mom was a Valium junkie. As we shared our stories, it appeared we had lived one another’s lives—until I asked her if her mother had ever been shot.

Mary laughed out loud. “Shot? Are you kidding? Your life sounds like a Coen brothers’ movie!” As sad as the event was at the time, years later, I, too, can see a plotline that would make Joel and Ethan envious.

The story goes that my stepfather and mother, during a night of heavy drinking, had decided it was a good time for a shooting lesson. I have always had my doubts (along with the investigating sheriff). I’m not sure what type of lesson includes two rounds to the heart at midnight, but I’m pretty sure Mom figured out firsthand how a gun gets fired. Unfortunately, she refused to press charges. After surgery and an extended stay in the hospital, she returned to the man who had pumped her full of lead. This, of course, gave me a new reason to be concerned for the woman’s state of mind. And again, I was put in an awkward situation.

Steve and I had been dating for only a couple of months, but we knew our relationship was for keeps. As he drove me to the hospital after the shooting, I sat in shock. As he drove me home, I sat in embarrassment. How in the world was I going to explain this situation to my soon-to-be mother-in-law? The Southern belle who was June in the flesh. I already had one strike against me: I had been married before. Now I had to explain this?

Of course, Harriett, Steve’s mother, was understanding . . . of what I’m not sure. I didn’t understand it! How in the world did my mother get herself in this situation and then fail to get herself out of it? All my pleading, brainstorming, offers, bargaining, and (finally) ultimatums fell on deaf ears.

It was so sad, Steve and I couldn’t help but laugh. The old girl had taken two bullets to the chest and was still kicking—and calling her own shots (pun intended). Christmas rolled around a few months later and what do you think—she wanted the family to come over for a Christmas celebration! Steve agreed that it would be the right thing to do, as long as bulletproof vests were passed out at the door.

As pressure and stress bear down on me,I find joy in your commands. (Psalm 119:143)

Sometimes, all you can do is laugh.