Getting A Do-over - I Would Stop The Abuse

Getting a Do-Over - I Would Stop the Abuse

WHEN I VISITED with my girlfriends on their do-overs, several of them said they learned important lessons at work.

My girlfriend Carrie* told me an amazing story, especially in light of her personality. Carrie has built a very successful company based on her intelligence, wit, and creativity. She’s a lot like glitter—she sparkles, and you can’t miss this woman when she walks into a room. In addition, Carrie is strong-willed, highly charged, and very competitive. So it came as a shock to me that Carrie said her do-over would be to have “stopped that woman from abusing me.”

When Carrie was in her midtwenties, she worked for a female boss who left her with knots in her stomach every day. One day, Carrie was the best thing on the planet; the next day, without warning, her boss would attack her verbally. The inconsistency and ultimately the verbal abuse caused Carrie to have health problems—due in part to the many evenings when she drove home in tears. Carrie’s boss, who took issue with Carrie’s religious beliefs, had managed to degrade her and so negatively affect her self-confidence that Carrie began to believe what her boss said. Over time, Carrie lost faith in herself.

So what would Carrie have done differently?

She would have focused on identifying the difference between constructive criticism and abuse, and left the position earlier, before her self-esteem took a beating.

She would have reported the religious discrimination she experienced to human resources. (Carrie thought she was taking the high road, but now wonders how many other people this “Christian” woman abused.)

Although the next job was a great springboard for her and actually a good step, she said she should have never accepted that job only to get away from a bad situation. By doing so, she said, she gave away her control.

This I declare about the LORD: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;he is my God, and I trust him. (Psalm 91:2)

Girlfriends, you don’t have to give up control to stop the abuse but you do have to take control. Ask God to guide you and provide you with the discernment you need to see the situation as it is.

*Carrie is not her real name, but she is a lot like glitter.