Getting A Do-over - I Would Live Rather Than Perform

Getting a Do-Over - I Would Live Rather Than Perform

LIVING RATHER than performing. How many of us can relate to this do-over? I imagine about 80 percent of the girlfriends reading this book, but it was my girlfriend Caren* who brought to my attention this life lesson of learning to focus on my life, rather than my performance.

I have to tell you, I was a little surprised. Caren is a highly degreed professional who has it all together. She has the gift of discernment unlike anyone else I’ve seen; she “hears” when others only listen; and she can remove herself from the trappings of this world better than any other person I know. She is true to herself, her convictions, and her goals. So again—I was a little surprised that Caren said she would have lived more intently for herself. She said if she could do a few things over she would:

Never have put herself through the grind and pressure to make straight A’s in graduate school. Who cares today? Caren explained that she missed out on life and the building of important friendships due to her self-imposed pressure to make perfect grades.

Never work sixty-hour workweeks again. Who cares today? The self-imposed, as well as the management-imposed, pressure to have everything done right and perfectly took the joy right out of her profession. She left a career in which she was truly gifted because of burnout.

Never succumb to the world’s standard for success. Who cares today? Working ridiculous hours and dealing with ulcer-inducing stress is not living. In fact, performing to meet a standard works against the beauty of life, peace, and happiness.

I can relate to Caren because I’m a performer too. I am hardwired to do the best I can, even when it flies in the face of my sense of balance.

For in many dreams and in many words there is emptiness. Rather, fear God. (Ecclesiastes 5:7, NASB)

Thank you, Caren, for bringing those of us who are perfectionists back to center. I’m learning to let it go.

*Caren is not her real name, but she is my favorite person to talk to because she knows my heart.