Catching My Second Wind - The Downhill Stretch (Part Trois)

Catching My Second Wind - The Downhill Stretch (Part Trois)

The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. —Charles Dubois

THERE ARE HUNDREDS of theories, reasons, and conditions that lead to marital breakups, just one of which is that the couple grew apart, thinking that one day it would get better. But I have a theory that growing apart is not the only issue; not growing is where I think many relationships become unhinged.

If you or your mate fails to invest in your own development, education, hobbies, work, or volunteerism, you may become a relationship defeatist by hyperfocusing on and overanalyzing every little piddly thing the other person does. If either of you has nothing to focus on other than your children or your career, there’s a good chance that when the kids are gone or the job ends, you’re going to feel lost. And neither of you—not in a million doggone years—can fill this void in the other. It’s up to you to find new interests.

When one of my girlfriends sent her last chickadee off to college, she lamented that she and her husband had become total strangers. The last twenty-five years had been all about the kids and their work—both of which were coming to a close. She asked me one evening, “What do we do?”

I didn’t know the answer to her question. But I do know this. When you choose to invest in your own development you will be fulfilled; when you are fulfilled you will be more confident; when you’re more confident you will be happier; and when you’re happier—you’ll be a lot more fun and interesting to be around. And being a fun, interesting person can only improve your relationship, not hinder it. Now, if both of you will invest in your interests, those you pursue together and alone, imagine how the sparks might fly!

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. (Romans 8:28)

Girlfriends, you’re on the downhill stretch. Catch your second wind. It might save that twenty-five-year commitment. Look toward the future and think how glorious it will be to hear you both say, “We’ve been married forty-five years and the last twenty totally rocked.” Leave a legacy of a marriage that didn’t just endure, but matured.