Letting Go Of It All

Letting Go Of It All

I am trusting you, O LORD, saying, “You are my God!” My future is in your hands. –Psalm 31:14-15

David stayed home with Hope on Wednesdays so I could go to Bible study. One morning in January, I got into the car after class and called him from my mobile phone. He didn’t answer, which I thought was strange. So I tried his mobile. He answered. “Where are you?” I asked.

“We’re all fine,” he said. (Now you know when someone starts with that, we’re not all fine, right?) “We’re at Dr. Ladd’s office, but not for Hope,” he continued. “Matt fell in PE this morning and broke off his front tooth.” I took a deep breath and just couldn’t say anything for a minute. I guess it hit me in the area of my greatest fear—that Hope might not be our only loss. That night, as David and I talked about the day, we realized that we’d both had an unspoken agreement with God that went something like this: Fine. We will accept losing Hope and all that that brings. But we don’t lose Matt. We don’t lose each other. No car accidents. No cancer. No financial collapse. This is it! But as we voiced our deepest feelings and fears out loud, we realized that we had to let go of those things too. We have to trust God with everything we have. We have to open ourselves up to God and say, “God, it is all yours to do with as you will!”

Some days I wonder if the letting go will ever stop. After Hope’s death, I had to let go of her physical body, my dreams for her, and so many of her things. I let go of her room and turned it back into a guest room. Then came Gabe, and I had to let go of him along with my hopes for Matt to have a sibling.

The truth is, eventually, we will let go of everything in this life. Life is a constant barrage of having things and people we love ripped away from us. Every ripping away takes a piece of us with it, leaving us raw and stinging with pain. But when we recognize that everything we have and everyone we love is on loan to us from God, when we learn to hold loosely to the things and people we love, we can then embrace the freedom that comes with entrusting everything to his care.

Father, thank you for everything you have given me and for the grace to let go of everything that has been taken away. I know I can trust you with everything and everyone I love, and one day I will know complete fulfillment with you, with no more letting go.

DIGGING DEEPER