Friendly, Not Feisty

Karen

She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed.

—Proverbs 31:26–28 ESV

On a sunny spring day, I sat in my backyard with a friend and all of our kids. The children were happily creating masterpieces in coloring books while sipping lemonade.

When it came time to clean up and go inside, I spied a frightful sight. One of my friend’s daughters had grabbed permanent markers from my house to color with instead of the crayons. And colored with them she did—all over our brand-new picnic table! She’d even written her name in her very best seven-year-old penmanship.

I was angry that our newly purchased table was now laden with red and purple permanent graffiti. I wanted to raise my voice and shout and scream my displeasure. But I didn’t. Instead, I leaned over and gently spoke to my friend’s child.

“Oh, Kelly. Miss Karen wants you to use crayons when you color, not markers. Would you please go put them back in the house? Thank you, honey.”

My eldest child’s jaw dropped when she saw how I reacted to the situation with kindness and a calm voice. Loud enough for everyone to hear, she said, “Man! It’s a good thing it was you, Kelly, and not one of us. Mom would’ve hollered at us something awful if we’d done that!”

Ouch.

My daughter simply vocalized a truth she noticed in my life: I tend to lose my cool with those who live within the same four walls as I do, but somehow I manage to keep calm when I interact with others.

Today’s verse, describing the actions of the woman from Proverbs 31:26 (ESV), states, “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.” Can that be said of us? Or would a reality TV reporter capture the way we talk to our families or roommates and announce, “She snaps with caustic words, and ‘Why can’t you this?’ and ‘You should have that!’ rolls angrily off her tongue.” Is that how the woman written about in this verse spoke?

No. She spoke with kindness—the tone of voice you’d use with a stranger. She was friendly, not feisty.

I faced the music that day and owned up to the truth my child pointed out. Perhaps we would all do better to learn to pause before we pounce when interacting with our loved ones, treating them with the respect we tend to give others. Let’s all purpose to be friendly—and not feisty—with those we live with today.

Dear Lord, I want to love people well, but as I seek to do so, help me pause before I react, to ensure my words and actions are pleasing to You. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Is there someone in your life with whom you recently were more feisty than friendly? Write out a sentence prayer here asking God to forgive you for your unkind behavior. Then—deep breath—reach out to that person to admit your fault and ask for forgiveness.