Ask For Help From Your Community

Let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds . . . encouraging one another.

—Hebrews 10:24–25

Marriage doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Every marriage needs support. Surround yourselves with people who want your marriage to win. Surround yourself with people who celebrate with you when you grow, and have hard conversations with you when you screw up. And this doesn’t mean only other married people.

A friend of mine, many years ago, reached a point with her husband where they decided to separate. She was in a small group, and she was the only married one in the group. She showed up that night and told them about the decision. She wasn’t asking for advice, just reporting. This is what we’ve decided. And that group of single men and women looked back at her and said no. No. We believe that you can make it. We believe that you can try again, both of you, and we’re going to help. That couple has now been married over twenty years, because their community wanted them to win, and wanted to help. They were ready to walk away, but their community nudged them back toward their marriage, toward their family, toward second chances.

Surround yourself with people who, if you said, I’m out, would say back to you, No.