Control

Control

I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted.

I WAS WISHING HER ill will, and I hated it. She had wronged us (at least that’s how I felt), and I wanted nothing more than to retaliate. I knew it wasn’t right to have these thoughts, but I just couldn’t shake them.

“I’m angry,” I whispered to my husband later that evening, “and I hate it. But I especially hate that I feel so helpless and out of control to do anything about the situation.” And there was the heart of my anger. I hate when things are beyond my ability to control and that, most often, expresses itself as anger.

Kyle, who is often much more even keeled and levelheaded than I, looked at me with love and sympathy in his eyes.

“Honey,” he stated, “what good will it do to hold on to your anger? You can’t control it; you need to let it go.”

I knew that he was right. And yet, it was still hard to actually do. To stop the cycle of negative thoughts that swirled in my head and replace them with something else, but even still I tried by telling myself the following things:

I don’t need to be in control of everything because God already is. And he is a good God. Who loves me. Cares for me. Protects me. Who believes the best about me and offers me grace every time I respond in anger instead of forgiveness. Who understands my own propensity for error and still welcomes me to walk with him.

And as I allowed myself to marinate on these things, I realized these were the same things that God offered to the woman who hurt me, and I felt a slight shift in my feelings and thoughts. Maybe not a complete letting go, but a moving away from anger, toward letting go.

There are days when we all need the reminder to trust and to forgive. To remember God’s deep, abiding love and care of us. And even to those around us. We all need the reminder that God is in control, and therefore, we do not need to be. We can let go.

Lord, help us to give to you the things that we cannot control and to remember that you are ultimately in control. Amen.

-Kendra

One Good Step: Release to God in prayer something you’ve been trying to control.