Where’s The Reward?

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward.” (Colossians 3:23-24, ESV)

“I did everything for my stepdaughter. I packed her lunches, planned her birthday parties, prayed for her … I loved her as my very own. And now that she’s a teenager, she won’t have anything to do with me.”

Those are the words of a broken-hearted stepmom I met, who was desperate to reconnect with her emotionally distant stepdaughter.

Being a stepparent (especially a stepmom) is a difficult task. You take a child under your care, treat her as your own, and then you’re shattered when you hear those infamous words: You’re not my mom.

As hard as it is to hear, the kids have a point. Even in a case like ours where the biological mom is deceased, she may not be alive, but she’s still their mom. Good-hearted stepparents give a lot of love and expect love in return. And there’s nothing wrong with that. But kids often feel they are forced into a no-win situation.

If you’re blessed, you have a stepchild that has discovered it’s possible to love both her biological parent and stepparent. But many kids are paralyzed by loyalty, and they think they must choose one parent over the other. They don’t know they can love both, yet in different ways.

For the stepparent that suffers rejection, it’s really hard, especially for stepmoms. Mothering is sacrificial and demanding. We maintain and accomplish many mundane, thankless tasks. But the love and appreciation we feel from the kids makes it all worth it.

That’s a natural response from biological kids. But when it comes to stepkids, moms commit to the same menial work—cooking meals, taxi-driving, laundry, etc., and many times don’t receive the love and honor of motherhood status. We can even be painted as a villain.

It’s easy to consider quitting when we feel overlooked or taken advantage of. We may ask ourselves, “Where’s the reward for all this work?”

Let me encourage you not to give up. I can’t promise your stepkids will eventually love you. Some may never come around. But I can promise that God sees everything you do, and He will reward you for loving those kids, even when you get nothing in return.

In Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount, He tells us not to practice our good deeds to receive rewards from people. Instead, He encourages us to work quietly and wait on God’s rewards (Matthew 6:1-4).

When you feel like nothing you do matters, remind yourself of God’s faithfulness. Every good deed stores up another treasure in heaven (Matthew 6:19-21). Every godly word we speak to those kids plants a seed with the potential to flourish and bear fruit (Galatians 6:8). Every prayer we utter on a stepchild’s behalf is heard by God (1 John 5:14).

So don’t quit. Don’t stop giving your heart. Don’t stop reaching out. None of your good works are in vain. Keep your eyes on the One who sees all your good works and trust Him to work all things together for your good and the good of your stepchildren (Romans 8:28).

Application: When you feel undervalued and passed over, make a list of all the ways God sees you and rewards your ongoing good works. If you can’t think of any, review relevant Bible verses to remind yourself of God’s faithfulness.