No Secrets

“I was sitting by God the Holy Spirit because I was praying for you. You needed the Holy Spirit, so I prayed for you.”

—HEAVEN IS FOR REAL, 102

Todd

I closed the door of the empty hospital room so no one could hear or see me except the target of my rage: God. And there, in the privacy of that room, I let him have it, raging and railing at him for seeming to dump my son at death’s door.

In that private, hidden place, I behaved in a way I would not have wanted anyone else to hear—certainly not the members of the church I pastored or anyone in my family. Especially not my children.

And yet Colton did see. He told us later that while he was on the operating table, “I went up out of my body and I was looking down. . . . I saw you and Mommy. You were in a little room by yourself, praying. . . .”

Colton’s words shocked me. It’s one thing to think that God can see and hear everything I do and say. We expect that. But to think that our loved ones in heaven also may be able to see and hear some or all of what we say and do—that really bothers me.

Here’s one reason why. Sometime later Colton and my mom and I were sitting at the table, and Mom asked Colton if Jesus had said anything about his dad being a pastor. Colton said yes, he did. Then he started telling her about an experience I had when I was thirteen.

Thirteen!

Now you tell me, would you want your mom to know all the stuff you did when you were thirteen? For me, at least, that could be pretty embarrassing! I was sitting there, dumbfounded, until I had the presence of mind to yell, “Stopppp! Okay, we need to leave the room and take a break.”

Believe me, no matter how old you get, there are just some things you don’t want your mom to find out.

I didn’t want that little sharing session to turn into a tattling session. Well, Colton wasn’t tattling, of course. He was just telling, matter-of-factly, what Jesus had told him. But for me it was a rather awkward moment—and also an enlightening one, because I realized Colton had been allowed to see my past. Later we would learn he also saw a part of my future.

The knowledge that my loved ones in heaven may be part of what the Bible calls “so great a cloud of witnesses”—our family and friends, along with God—who see and know everything about me is, well, it’s pretty humbling. And also motivating—another reason to be mindful of my words and actions.

Jesus wants us to win, to cross the line, victorious, and join him in heaven. Our loved ones in heaven want the same thing for us. They’re not watching like Big Brother, hoping to catch us making a mistake.

As a student, I had teachers who seemed to want their students to fail. They’d brag about how difficult their exams were and say things like, “You’re gonna blow this.” Other teachers, however, wanted their students to succeed, even when the test was difficult. That’s the attitude of the “so great a cloud of witnesses” watching us from heaven. They’re rooting for us, praying for us. They want us to win, and they’re cheering for us, just like we cheer when we watch our kids run a race or compete in some sport.

When I thought I was all alone in that hospital room, struggling through the most difficult time in my life, Colton, sitting in heaven beside the Holy Spirit, saw me. “You needed the Holy Spirit, so I prayed for you,” he told me later. Think how unnatural that was for a child his age to say and do. But that’s exactly what Colton said and did. It’s what your loved ones are doing for you too. The next time you’re in the midst of a hard time, remember that.

How many family members do you have in heaven who are praying for you—parents, grandparents, siblings? Picture them cheering for you as you confront difficulties here on earth. Know that they are praying for you to cross that finish line, victorious, and join them there.

Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.

—Hebrews 12:1