A Journey Through Humility

Our “tenth” bills are one of the cool things about living in a small town. On the other hand, when you can’t pay, it’s a lot more humbling.

—HEAVEN IS FOR REAL, 54

Todd

We didn’t come close to having the money we owed after Colton’s (and my own) medical crises. We owed not only hospital, doctor, and other medical bills but also our normal monthly expenses, many of which were owed to businesses in our hometown.

In a place like Imperial, Nebraska, population 2,071, businesses like the gas station, the grocery store, and the hardware store let trusted customers charge purchases and services to a personal account. My family is honored to be part of that “trusted” group. On the tenth of the month, one of us, usually Sonja, drives around town to settle the accounts and pay what we owe. But the month after Colton’s emergency surgery and hospital stay, there wasn’t enough money to go around.

We could have just let things slide, assuming that the businesses we patronized were aware of our situation and could stand to wait a month or two to be paid. But of course, that wasn’t the right way to handle things. We needed to talk with each merchant face-to-face. And I couldn’t put that job on Sonja. Yes, we both work, but as the husband and dad, I feel the ultimate responsibility to support my family. And believe me, going around town to apologize for failing at that duty and then asking for an extension was humbling but necessary.

Yes, most people knew the challenges we had been through. Most of them were not just our merchants; they were also our friends. If we hadn’t paid those bills, they would probably have carried us over to the next month without penalty, maybe without even saying anything or mailing us a bill. But I didn’t want to betray the trust they had put in us.

We did have some things going for us. Most important was our record. This was our first time to default. That kind of record made it a lot easier to go around and ask for help—ask for mercy, really, saying, “I’m sorry. I know I owe you this money, but we’ve just been through a really hard time, and I’m not able to pay this bill. But you can trust that I will pay you as soon as I can.”

I had to admit my need for mercy, and it’s never easy to do that.

Some of us have that same dread when we need to ask God for mercy after we’ve let him down in some way. It may be the last thing we want to do, to come before our powerful God and say, “I messed up, Lord.”

But we need to remember that he already knows we’ve fallen short of what he expected of us or that we’ve made a mistake in some way. He also knows our situation surrounding that mistake or shortcoming as well, just like our hometown creditors knew the Burpos’ circumstances. But confession is an essential part of apologizing and asking for mercy, both in our everyday activities here on earth and in our spiritual lives too.

Admitting your need for mercy, when you have a legitimate reason to ask for it, can be a cleansing act. It can move others to help you when they might not be so inclined if you hadn’t taken that first step into humility. Even bill collectors, if you call them first instead of waiting until they call you, are sometimes amazingly understanding. Sometimes they will even reduce what is owed.

Here’s a difference we need to recognize between earth and heaven: humility might move someone down here to help you, but it will always move the God who sits on the throne of heaven to help you. The Bible says God wants to pour out his grace on us, but there’s this big obstacle: our pride. If we get past our pride, get on our knees, and say, “God, I need you,” he always responds. Not sometimes, but always. God always responds to that kind of humility.

Look at these words from the apostle John. He’s talking about humility, confession, and forgiveness. And he nails it. It’s not that God might forgive you. It’s that he will forgive you.

If we confess our sins, he will forgive our sins, because we can trust God to do what is right. He will cleanse us from all the wrongs we have done.

—1 John 1:9 NCV