Built Before The Storm

“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, NLT)

“There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” (John 15:13, NLT)

In 2023, the world watched in horror as the Titan submersible imploded during a descent into the deep sea. The loss of life was devastating. In the aftermath, serious questions were raised about whether its design and materials were capable of withstanding the pressure of the depths.

Without diminishing that tragedy, it offers a sobering relational picture: connection is actually a construction issue and construction materials matter.

I call the deepest relationships submarine friendships. These are the rare, soul-bound friendships built to survive pressure. They are not held together by chemistry alone, shared interests, or how often you laugh at IG reels and YouTube videos. They require stronger materials: honesty, forgiveness, consistency, sacrifice, and complete transparency.

A friendship can look impressive on the surface and still be unprepared for the depths.

In May of last year, my mother died suddenly. I still struggle to describe those first days. Grief altered everything around me. Ordinary decisions felt heavy. And depression lingered close by every day.

But I discovered, in real time, which friendships had submarine strength as I sank into what felt like despair.

Some friends moved before I even knew how to signal for help. One assisted and prolonged my mother’s life by doing everything medically possible before the EMS came. Others simply stayed close. My BFF flew back to be with me—not to explain my grief away with cliches, rush my healing, or fix what felt irreparable. He simply showed up and stayed present.

Those friendships had one thing in common—they were not built during the week my mother died.

They had been constructed over years in phone calls, vacations, meals, prayers, arguments that we had to resolve, honest conversations, shared disappointments, forgiven offenses, and ordinary hangouts that did not feel all that important at the time. That is what we often miss: submarine friendships are built before storms, not during them.

Ecclesiastes says, “Two are better than one… If either of them falls down, one can help the other up” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, NIV). Jesus takes it even further: “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13, NIV). Submarine friendship is costly because it carries weight.

You may only have one, two, or three friendships at this depth in a particular season. Maybe in a whole lifetime! That is not relational failure because very few people can live with us at the sea bottom. The goal is not to give everyone access to your deepest places but to build a few relationships strong enough to remain when life applies pressure.

So do not wait for the next crisis to discover who is tethered to your life.

Ask yourself today:

• Who has stayed present when life became heavy?
• What am I doing now to strengthen that friendship before the next storm comes?

Then send a text, make a call and keep investing in the ordinary moments you have with your friends. Why? Because when the pressure comes, you will not rise or fall on the strength of your intentions but on the consistency of your actions.