Three Marriage Lies

Three Marriage Lies

Lysa TerKeurst

I know the heart-ripping hopelessness of a relationship unraveling. The coexisting. The silent tension. The tears. The early years of my marriage were very hard. We were two sinners coming together with loads of baggage, unrealistic expectations, and extremely strong wills.

There was yelling, door slamming, bitterness, and a desire to call it quits. There was this sinking feeling that things would never get better. That’s when I first started hearing three lies: (1) I married the wrong person; (2) he should make me feel loved; and (3) there is someone else better out there.

As I began to believe these lies, a tangled web of confusion formed in my heart.

When I shared my frustrations about the whole situation with my friends, many nodded their heads in agreement, helping me to feel justified. But one didn’t. She said, “I know what you think. But what does the Bible say?”

The Bible? I didn’t think her religious question would help me. But over the next couple of days, I kept hearing her words.

With reluctance and skepticism, one afternoon I turned to a couple of verses she suggested, including 1 Corinthians 13. As I read the list of everything love is supposed to be, I felt discouraged. Our love didn’t feel kind, patient, or persevering. The love in my marriage felt broken.

A few days later, I heard an interview on a Christian radio station in which a couple was talking about these same verses. Everything they said made me want to gag and change the station. What do they know about how hard love can be? That’s when they said something that grabbed me: “Love isn’t a feeling, it’s a decision.”

Wow.

I went home and flipped to 1 Corinthians 13 again. This time, instead of reading it like a list of how love should make me feel, I read it as if I could decide to make my love fit these qualities. My love will be kind. My love will be patient. My love will persevere. Not because I feel it—but because I choose it.

At the same time, God was working on my husband’s heart as well. We decided to make some 1 Corinthians 13 love decisions. Slowly, the stone wall between us started coming down.

It wasn’t easy. It wasn’t overnight. But our attitudes and actions toward one another began to change. And I stopped believing the marriage lies. Eventually, I replaced them with three marriage truths: (1) having a good marriage is more about being the right partner than having the right partner; (2) love is a decision; and (3) the grass isn’t greener on the other side; it’s greener where you water and fertilize it.

Maybe you’ve believed the marriage lies too. My heart aches for you if you are in a hard place in your marriage. I know tough relationships are stinkin’ complicated and way beyond what a simple devotion can possibly untangle. But maybe one of these three marriage truths can help loosen one knot … or at least breathe a little hope into your life today.

Dear Lord, thank You for these truths, no matter how hard they are to read. Thanks for Your Holy Spirit, who gives me strength to turn from the lies and walk in Your truth. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

REMEMBER

Having a good marriage is more about being the right partner than having the right partner. Love is a decision. The grass is greener where you water and fertilize it.

REFLECT

In what ways have you pulled away from your husband because of feelings of rejection, anger, or bitterness?

RESPOND

Share this devotion with your husband today. Let him know gently that you love him and that you want your marriage to thrive. Ask to pray together for wisdom on the next step to take.

POWER VERSES

1 Corinthians 13:4–8; Song of Songs 8:7