Mean Girls

Mean Girls

Lynn Cowell

Standing in line for the concert gave my family plenty of people-watching time. As people made their way to the back of the line, I commented on all the immodest clothing. “Why would she wear those in public?” “Oh my! I can’t believe she feels comfortable dressed like that!”

I must have shared quite a few of these statements because my oldest teenage daughter finally said, “Mom, you are being mean!”

I felt so small. I hadn’t thought I was being mean. I was simply pointing out to my girls how not to dress. But my daughter was right.

The truth is, my girls already know how not to dress; I have been teaching them since they were five. And now I was teaching them how to judge other women. I was teaching them to be mean.

Since that night at the concert, I’ve come to the conclusion that mean girls often come from mean mamas. When we point out the flaws of others, we are modeling a judgmental heart. Instead, what we mamas need to demonstrate is compassion.

Scripture says we are to rid ourselves of slander, which means scandalous remarks (Colossians 3:8). The Bible makes no exceptions—there is never an occasion when it is okay to slander others.

One way we are overcoming mean-spiritedness in our family is through accountability. When my girls are gossiping or putting another girl down, I gently point it out—and my girls do the same for me. Having my child call me out was uncomfortable at first. But making this a family issue, rather than just me correcting my kids, is bringing us to a deeper level of kindness.

Like me, you may be surprised to discover just how often you say unkind things. If you watch each other’s words, both you and your child will become more compassionate, less judgmental, and a whole lot more careful with what you say. It’s working for me, and I trust it will work for you too.

Dear Lord, I want to rid myself of slander and in turn teach my children to do the same. Please cleanse my heart of judgment and help me to set a guard over my mouth. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

REMEMBER

There is never an occasion when it is okay to slander others; the Bible makes no exceptions.

REFLECT

When do you find yourself most caught up in slander? With a close friend? In a certain environment?

RESPOND

Once you have defined the situation that tempts you to put down another person, plan right now how to avoid it.

POWER VERSES

James 4:11; Ecclesiastes 10:12