The Vice Of The Virtuous

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

COLOSSIANS 3:12–14

WE HEAR SO MUCH TALK TODAY ABOUT THE MESSAGE OF Christianity—a very important discussion, to be sure. We also hear a great deal about the methods of our faith—how to share with non-believers, how to pray, how to handle our finances, and so forth. But what often gets lost is a proper emphasis on the manner of our faith—how believing in God changes the way we act toward others and molds our dispositions.

Henry Drummond, author of the nineteenth-century classic The Greatest Thing in the World, warns us against a harsh, irritable, and impatient disposition:

The peculiarity of ill temper is that it is the vice of the virtuous. It is often the one blot on an otherwise noble character. You know men who are all but perfect, and women who would be entirely perfect, but for an easily ruffled, quick-tempered, or “touchy” disposition. This compatibility of ill temper with high moral character is one of the strangest and saddest problems of ethics.^a

Here’s where parenting can help us take that next step in spiritual formation, for parenting certainly exposes an ill-tempered or touchy disposition like nothing else. To be a parent is to be provoked. Kids regularly tend to bring out the best and the worst in us. If we have an ill temper, if we’re touchy or edgy, raising children will certainly reveal our weakness.

Sadly, an ill manner often isn’t considered a serious failing. On the contrary, we’re quick to excuse ourselves in a way we’d never excuse other sins. We say, “I was overly tired and stressed, that’s all.” And yet, would we excuse getting drunk in front of our children simply because we were under a lot of stress? We would never think to use crude and lewd language, no matter how tired we’re feeling. We wouldn’t condone physical violence, even if our kids had made us really angry, because we believe these faults are all prohibited by the well-known message and methods of our faith.

But verbal violence? Easy irritability? These we pass over as if they were of no account, because today’s believing community tends to pay far too little attention to the manner of our faith. Are we modeling to our children the spirit of Christ that responds to others the same way he did—with gentleness and patience? When you think about it, few things are as important as this, because our goal is to get our children to fall in love with God. What better way to do this than to model his most lovely qualities—gentleness, grace, mercy, and patience?

Drummond gave this timely reminder:

No form of vice, not worldliness, not greed of gold, not drunkenness itself, does more to un-Christianize society than evil temper. For embittering life, for breaking up communities, for destroying the most sacred relationships, for devastating homes, for withering up men and women, for taking the bloom off childhood; in short, for sheer gratuitous misery-producing power, this influence stands alone.^b

Are we “taking the bloom off” our children’s childhood by stalking around in surly moods? Are we unleashing “misery-producing power” by failing to keep our tempers in check? Are we withering other family members with our icy blasts of ill will? Have we addressed our manner of living?

How do we deal with our ill temper? The best antidote is humility. When we possess an attitude of repentance, remembering how much God has forgiven us, always being sensitive to how mercifully he has treated us and being thankful for the grace he showers on us, we feel compelled from within to likewise be forgiving, merciful, and gracious to others. When repentance dies in our lives, legalistic and perfectionistic faultfinding is born. Instead of remaining sensitive to God’s grace, we become sensitive about every little slight, every little irritation, anything that might bring the smallest amount of discomfort or distraction. When we don’t live as a people in need of grace, we expect others to be perfect, and we bitterly resent it whenever even the slightest imperfection puts us out.

Drummond counsels that “souls are made sweet not by taking the acid fluids out, but by putting something in—a great Love, a new Spirit, the Spirit of Christ. Christ, the Spirit of Christ, interpenetrating ours, sweetens, purifies, transforms all.” In other words, we become yielded worshipers, regularly putting ourselves before the presence of God, allowing his Spirit to penetrate our hearts and transform our manner from the inside out. Parenting is a busy task, and this world is a busy world, but we must be careful that worship does not become a casualty in our schedules, because if we are not regularly and consistently filled with God, our homes will become regularly and consistently filled with hatred, accusation, judgment, venom, and impatience—all the ugly, soul-crippling qualities of ill temper.

Begin this week in your heavenly Father’s presence, asking him to fill you with the sweet attitudes of Christ. You’ve taught your kids the gospel message—good for you! You’ve told them how to pray and urged them to tithe out of their allowance—excellent! Now model the manner of their faith. Demonstrate the loveliness of God’s disposition toward us, so they’ll fall in love, not just with what God has said and done, but with who he is.

Heavenly Father, help us to receive your grace and help us to experience your gentle manner, so that we may pass on the loveliness of who you are to our children. We want to love them and each other in the same manner as you love us. In Jesus’ name, amen.