Cooperative Parenting

He who forms the mountains, who creates the wind, and who reveals his thoughts to mankind, who turns dawn to darkness, and treads on the heights of the earth—the LORD God Almighty is his name.

AMOS 4:13

HAVE YOU EVER TAKEN A STEP BACK TO CONSIDER HOW ACTIVE God is in the lives of our children? For starters, God begins reaching out to our kids even before we know they exist; he may well be calling them before we’ve laid an eye on them. Luke tells us that John the Baptist was filled with the Holy Spirit even before he was born (Luke 1:15).

Even while our kids are still tucked in their mothers’ bellies, God pursues them; he begins calling them to their spiritual homes before they can even speak. He zealously seeks their good, eagerly plans for their salvation, and generously gives them his constant attention and oversight. As parents we can benefit from and cooperate with this ongoing reality.

We have a son gifted in many ways; he has been spiritually sensitive from the time he was young, and his mind’s capabilities far exceed my own. But he has suffered from sinus, asthma, and allergy problems his entire life. Recently, he had a pretty bad breathing spell. He’s been going through different types of therapies, all attempting to unblock a consistently stuffed-up system, and I think he just felt weary from fighting what feels like a losing battle.

As I prayed one morning, I sensed very strongly that God wanted me to point out to Graham the many ways God has blessed him. His academic abilities really are off the charts; he’s a good athlete, he’s sensitive—and I could go on, but I don’t want to bore you. Yet God has given him this challenge to bear. Graham needs to learn how to accept both challenges and blessings without losing perspective. God is the author of Graham’s life; he knows what he’s doing, and he isn’t callous in what he allows. I needed to remind Graham of this; otherwise, he could become unbalanced in his perspective on bearing this burden and thus become resentful.

After our talk, Graham said, “You know what verse really scares me?”

“No. Which one?”

“The one that says, ‘To whom much is given, much will be expected’ [see Luke 12:48]. I think of all God has given me with my parents and knowing him so young, and it’s like, whoa!”

Instead of being bitter about his trial, Graham suddenly felt overwhelmed with God’s goodness to him and filled with the knowledge that he needed to respond faithfully.

I’m so grateful this is just one example of the way God wants to be very active in our parenting. He sees into our children’s hearts. God will reveal secret fears, silent struggles, and even cloaked dreams. I can’t imagine parenting without God’s input. It is such a blessing not to merely guess what is happening but instead to have the benefit of listening to the God who knows my children better than they know themselves. It’s truly exciting to live out what the disciples experienced in Mark 16:20: “The Lord worked with them.”

This is what makes Christian parenting truly Christian: we listen—not just to our children but to God. The discipline of listening still makes some Christians nervous because it can and has been abused. I don’t believe in additional revelation; God isn’t going to give me a new doctrine the church has never heard. But he frequently helps me to apply the revelation we already have. He motivates me to love my wife and children, and he helps me make wiser decisions based on the absolute, authoritative truth of his Word.

I don’t hear from God like this every day. I don’t even hear from him every time I ask to hear from him. But if I present myself before him, over the course of several months, each one of my children (and my spouse) will be brought to my mind, and I’ll gain a sense of my obligation to love them that day. It may be a warning or it may be an encouragement; it may be a creative idea or a new way of looking at things. But in God’s good time, he speaks.

I certainly don’t want to profess belief in God with my mouth and then parent as though he doesn’t exist or live as though God were mute or deaf. We are blessed to know an all-powerful, all-knowing, all-seeing God who is even more concerned about our children’s welfare than we are. He passionately concerns himself with our children’s spiritual health and will eagerly cooperate with us in raising them.

Take full advantage of this. Create quiet time in your life to hear his voice. Some people hear God best early in the morning, while for others, it’s late at night. Some need to be on their knees in prayer; others turn off the radio in the car and tune in to God while they drive. Still others get surprised by God’s voice in the shower or while out for a run. A few may even have an eye-opening dream.

In whatever way God speaks to you, listen. If you’ve never experienced this before, simply confess it: “God, I don’t know what I’m doing, but I know you made me, and I know you want to get through to me, so do whatever you have to do so that I can hear you.”

Cooperating with God is truly one of the greatest helps we have as parents. What will he be saying to you this week?

Lord God, it gives us great comfort to know you are actively parenting our children; you are passionately committed to their welfare. Open our ears so that we can learn to cooperate with what you are already doing in their lives. In Jesus’ name, amen.