Second Honeymoon

“Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another.…” (Hebrews 13:4, NLT)

I used to love watching the television series Survivor. I was fascinated to see how a group of strangers lived together on an island, especially how the various conflicting personalities would change the whole course of the show.

Sometimes couples would fall in love. Sometimes two people were so hostile they would have the whole group divided into factions. There were certain personalities that wouldn’t last very long because they weren’t likable. And some people just couldn’t handle the emotional distress and begged to go home.

It kind of reminds me of blended family life. Am I right?

I mean, if you think about your blended family in terms of two tribes coming together, it fits. Each tribe has its own traditions, taboos, and communication styles. Put both of those groups in a house, and you have some tricky situations.

Biological families don’t have these problems. A newlywed couple experiences these kinds of tribal clashes on a small scale, but it’s months or years before children are introduced (and usually one at a time). So the newlywed couple has time alone together to work out their differences.

A blended couple, on the hand, never has those crucial months or years without kids to work out their differing worldviews. Kids are a part of the mix from the beginning, along with the individual personalities and preferences of each child.

The complexities of rivaling tribes can be discouraging. But remember, a time is coming when all the kids will be grown. And while adult children still have some bearing on your lives, the burden will be much lighter.

Many blended family couples call their empty nest years a second honeymoon period because it’s the first time in their married lives that children aren’t the center of their daily routines.

Until you and your spouse come to that place, don’t forget to keep working on your marriage. It’s easy to push it aside when there are so many issues with the kids, ex-spouses, and household complexities. But a relationship is like a flowering plant. It needs cultivation and care. Without focused attention, it goes to seed.

Every now and then, spend some time dreaming about your future together. Make a bucket list of places you want to visit, classes you want to take, or skills you want to learn together.

Right now, life is hectic and maybe very emotional (especially in the early years), but it won’t always be that way. As someone once said, “The days are long, but the years are short.”

One day, when the kids are grown, your marriage will still be there. You want it to be in good condition when that day comes, so take care of it now.

Application: Talk to your spouse about your bucket list. Brainstorm some ideas of places you want to go, goals you want to accomplish together, and classes you can take. Dream about your life together in the future.